


Whatever It Takes

by Lady_Dragon17



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26519479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Dragon17/pseuds/Lady_Dragon17
Summary: Toshiro visits Momo while she recovers after Aizen's defeat. His guilt and grief for being the one who put her there has been eating him up. But with some urging from Unohana, he finds new ways to be there for her and help her come back.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Whatever It Takes

**Author's Note:**

> Quarantine has me rewatching the anime and after I rewatched the anime episodes where Momo is stabbed it got me thinking about the aftermath. I started imagining how Toshiro would feel and react. That lead to this short fic.

He sat silently listening to the machines whir and beep. He elbows were resting on the bed and he held one of her hands in both of his. His looked over her form and his heart ached. Seeing her like this, cold and motionless, it was almost too much.

She had spent so long in the 12th Division having her internal organs regenerated and healed. Now she lay in the 4th Division where machines monitored her through her coma. Her body was healed to the point she no longer needed the machines to keep her alive, so now they just monitored her vitals. Her body was healed, but not her mind.

There was no way to know why she was still in the coma. No way to know the extent of the mental and emotional damage that had been wrought.

Aizen was long dead, but the Seireitei was still feeling the consequences. And her most of all.

He raised their clasped hands and bowed his head to rest his forehead on them. As it often did, that dreaded image flooded his mind. The second the hypnosis has broken and the image of a defeated Aizen shifted to show it was really Momo that he had impaled. He could almost feel it still as her remember her blood running down his blade in his moment of shock.

It was his fault she was like this. He had done this to her. He had almost killed her.

He grasped her hand tighter. He hated the chill he felt. She had always been so warm and lively. Her reiatsu the opposite of his. While he was perpetually cold she had always been warm. She always felt like the warmth of the sun on his skin. Now… now she may as well have been the master of Hyorinmaru with how cold she felt.

He checked once more that his own reiatsu was completely masked. No need to add to the chill the clung to her. No need to hurt her more.

He was supposed to protect her, but he was the reason she was in this state. He had vowed to never let anything hurt her, especially after Aizen had almost killed her when he first betrayed them all. But instead he was no better than Aizen now. Perhaps even worse.

She had recovered better than this when it had been Aizen’s blade through her chest. She had woken up then, but now, when it had been his blade, there was no way to know when, or more importantly if, she would wake up.

He hadn’t forgiven himself. He probably never would.

It had taken him months to even be able to come into her room. When she had finally been moved out of the 12th Division and into the 4th he would just stand in the doorway. He wasn’t worthy of being any closer.

Others had urged him to go in, to sit with her and talk to her. They said she needed him. He brushed them off every time. She didn’t need him. Hell if anything she needed to kept away from him. It was his fault she was in that bed in the first place he would remind them.

Unohana-taicho would always give him a small, sad smile and remind him that it was not his fault. So many of them had been fooled. It may have been his blade, but it was Aizen’s manipulation and power that was truly to blame. He wanted to believe her, but never let himself. If he believed her, he would have to forgive himself. And he couldn’t do that.

Instead he took his grief and guilt and threw himself even harder into his work and training. He forced himself to get stronger. He had been too weak to save her twice now. He vowed it would never happen again. He trained longer and harder than he ever had before, both on his own and with others.

He relentlessly trained his Bankai, pushing the limits of both himself and Hyorinmaru ever further. With the lieutenants, he was known for having several of them attack him at once in training to help him improve at fighting multiple attackers. He even sought out the other captains regularly to spar. He was pushing himself harder than most shinigami had ever seen someone push themselves before. 

When he wasn’t training himself he was working hard on administrative functions for his division and the 5th Division. He had offered his assistance to help the 5th Division with whatever they needed while she healed. It was his fault they had a gap so it was on him to help pick up the slack. He often found himself helping Hirako-taicho with paperwork or training his division to make up for the absent lieutenant on the bed before him.

It was the least he could do after all. The guilt and grief still weighed heavily on him, but at least now he could truthfully say he was doing absolutely all he could to make up for his mistake.

Over the many months, all of his efforts had eased his guilt enough that over time he had shifted from just standing in the doorway to standing in the room. Each time he visited he would stand a bit closer to her. Finally, today instead of standing he pulled the chair in her room to her bedside. He just sat there at first, staring at her as he always did. The deep pit of guilt though had later drove him to hold her hand while he apologized.

“I failed you Momo. I failed and now you are suffering the consequences.”

He lifted his head to look at her face. She looked peaceful, which soothed him. At least she didn’t seem to be in any pain or distress.

“I am getting stronger though. I won’t ever fail you again. Even if it costs me my life I will protect you. Just please…wake up.”

He could feel the sharp sting of tears forming. His normally icy expression showed its first cracks. The emotions that had burdened him since he saw his blade through his chest were bubbling to the surface.

“Please Momo. Please wake up. I’ll never forgive myself if I killed you. If the death of my best friend, of one of the few people who I truly cared for was on my hands I don’t know what I would do. So please wake up.”

The first tear began its descent down his cheek as he continued, his stoic mask finally falling apart. “I’ll never scold you to call me Hitsugaya-taicho again. You can call me Hitsugaya-kun or Shiro-chan or whatever you want. I’ll even stop calling you Bed-wetter Momo. I’ll do anything Momo. Just please, come back to me.”

Tears flowed freely down his cheeks now as he raised his head to gaze at Momo’s face. He released one hand and brought it up to brush softly against her cheek. It felt good to finally express his emotions. He had kept them bottled for too long.

“I need you Momo. I need you back in my life. I need your silly nicknames and your bright smile. My life is dull without you in it. I know I was sometimes harsh or mean and I teased you a lot, but I care so much for you. I have never been the best at emotions. You know that better than anyone. But here I am, crying, begging you to come back to me. So please, open your eyes.”

He quickly wiped the tears away, lay her hand back down on the bed and leaned back in the chair as he felt Unohana-taicho’s familiar reiatsu approaching. He contemplated standing to greet her, but decided against it. She would be happy to see him sitting so close to his childhood friend. She had been asking him for months to do it after all.

“Is there any update?” he asked as soon as she step foot in the room, reluctantly pulling his gaze away from Momo to face to healer. He saw her lips twitch slightly into a frown, no doubt noticing he had just been crying. He was thankful when she didn’t acknowledge it though.

She walked graceful as ever until she was on the opposite side of the bed. “No. She still shows no signs of waking. My team checks on her regularly to be sure she is calm and comfortable, but we still don’t know what is happening inside her mind.”

Silence fell between them and he turned again to stare at Momo.

He always asked if there was news and there never was. He knew that, but that didn’t stop him from asking, or from feeling his heart break at the answer.

“She has had many visitors over time. So many friends come to visit and talk to her. Rangiku keeps her updated on the latest gossip. Hirako-taicho tells her how the 5th Division is doing. Kira and Renji often come to just talk about their days or relive old memories with her. Others come just to talk about the going on in their lives and express how much they miss her,” Unohana-taicho explained softly.

He had suspected all of this, but it was nice to have confirmation that so many cared for her and visited. “Good, I’m glad she isn’t constantly alone. I’m glad she has friends that love her and come to visit. She deserves that.”

“Yes, she is loved and missed by many.”

He almost sighed. “But?” He could tell the quiet woman wanted to say more. And he had an idea what she was holding back.

She brought a hand up to gently stroke Momo’s hair as she continued, “But they aren’t you. She reacts differently when you visit.”

“Reacts differently? She is in a coma, she does not react to anything,” he scoffed.

“Maybe not physically, but you should know better than that. You are a captain, you should be able to feel it.” He finally turned away to meet her gaze again, too confused not to. She smiled before continuing, “Her reiatsu. It is small, but when you are near it is stronger. I noticed it before, but tonight it is undeniable. Perhaps because you are so positioned so much closer to her. Or perhaps you were speaking to her and that did it. Regardless, this is the strongest her reiatsu has been since she came into my care.”

He furrowed his brows in confusion. He could barely feel her reiatsu. It was so much smaller and weaker than it had been.

“Perhaps you don’t notice it because you never paid attention. I assure you I speak the truth. Her reiatsu is weak, but it is stronger now than it was a few hours ago when it was Rangiku in that seat, stronger even that it was last you visited.”

He closed his eyes to concentrate. He could feel Momo’s small flame of reiatsu. Maybe it was just a bit brighter than usual. Then again, Unohana-taicho is always highly-attuned to the slightest change in her patients. It would be more noticeable to her. He couldn’t help the small seed of hope that bloomed in his chest.

“You should keep visiting her. Talk to her. Hold her hand. Perhaps she is waiting for you to help her overcome whatever barrier in her mind keeps her from waking up,” she encouraged before she began to stride out of the room. She stopped at the doorway and turned her head slightly to make one last comment. “Take care of yourself though too. You can’t help her if you end up my patient from pushing your self too far. Even a prodigy can’t operate at the stress level you have been forever.”

He opened his mouth to give a retort, but she was already gone.

He leaned forward again in the chair. Thinking about what he had learned he focused on Momo’s reiatsu once more.

He then took Momo’s hand in one of his again/ He gazed at their joint hands, his thumb moving to softly brush back and forth on the back of her hand. His voice was soft when he began talking to her again. “So is she right Momo? Do I help you get stronger?” He was shocked when he did feel her reiatsu get just a smidge stronger.

“I promise Momo I’ll be here every single day then. I’ll hold your hand and I’ll talk to you and do anything I can to help you. I’ll do whatever you need me to do, whatever it takes for you wake up. Whatever it takes to bring you back to me,” he vowed as he stood up to lean over and place a chaste kiss on her forehead.

His eyes widened as he stared down at the hand he still held. Maybe it was his imagination, maybe it was his excitement at feeling her reiatsu get stronger, maybe it was all in his head, but he could have sworn he felt her thumb tighten just the smallest bit around his fingers.

That small seed of hope from earlier grew at the thought….

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment or a kudos if you can! Thanks for reading!


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